Category Archives: Lucky 7s

Seven Guest Characters I Hope Return to Arrested Development

Arrested Development from Time

The closer we get to May 26th, the more excited I am for the return of Arrested Development. And as anxious as I am to see what the Bluths have been up to after their seven year hiatus (the show was canceled), I’m equally as excited to see which of their many amazing guest-stars will be returning with them.

Here are the seven guest characters I most hope return to season four of Arrested Development.

1. Liza Minelli as Lucille Austero

Lucille Austero

Austero, AKA: Lucille Two, was Lucille Bluth’s chief social rival and Buster’s vertigo-suffering girlfriend. Will she be looking to reunite with her one-handed, former flame or will she still be tied up with Stan Sitwell?

2. Henry Winkler as Barry Zuckerkorn

Barry Zuckerkorn

Winkler as the Fonz was the epitome of ‘50s cool in the ‘70s—quite the opposite of the inept and clearly out of his league, milquetoast who served as the Bluth family attorney. Will the Bluths stick by Barry or will they rehire Bob Loblaw (I read his law blog)?

3. Amy Poehler as The Bride of G.O.B.

G.O.B.'s Wife

I don’t remember Poehler’s character ever having a name on the show—if she did G.O.B. sure didn’t remember it (I blame too many ruffies). Whatever it was, she was a force of chaos to be reckoned with whenever she made an appearance. In real life Poehler and Arnett split last year, but maybe the show can bring them back together if only for a few episodes.

4. Steve Ryan as J. Walter Weatherman

J. Walter Weatherman

J. Walter Weatherman was the George Bluth’s one-armed employee that he would often use in elaborate schemes to teach his kids a lesson. These lessons always ended with Weatherman’s prosthetic arm being ripped off in dramatic fashion. Then came the moral of the lesson—usually something along the lines of “And that’s why you always leave a note!” What lessons would the eldest Bluth have him teach this time around?

5. Julia Louis-Dreyfus as Maggie Lizer

Maggie Lizer

On a show full of liars, Lizer was arguably the biggest. She wasn’t blind and Michael never got her pregnant and neither did the two cops whose baby she was supposedly carrying. What whoppers could she have possibly concocted over the last seven years? I hope we get the chance to see.

6. Carl Weathers as Carl Weathers

Carl Weathers

The former Apollo Creed is the star of over thirty movies and served as Tobias Fünke’s acting coach and mentor. Weathers seldom taught Tobias much about the actual business of show, but made up for it by showing him the finer points scoring free food from restaurant dumpsters. What nuggets of wisdom would he share now?

7. Charlize Theron as Rita Leeds

Rita Leeds

In my favorite storyline of the entire series, Theron played Michael’s love interest, Rita. She was as lovely as she was cerebrally challenged. She wasn’t the notorious Mr. F, but instead turned out to be a Mentally Retarded Female (MRF). I don’t know if or how they could bring her back, but I’d love it if they did—tiny teddy and all.

One thing that really set Arrested Development apart during its initial run was the way that they were able to consistently tie in terrific cameo appearances and enhance the story. I hope they can do it again.

Who do you hope makes a stop at the banana stand this season? Sound off in the comments below.

All images are courtesy of the Arrested Development Wiki.

Seven Spooktacular Songs for Your Halloween Playlist

So, you’re getting ready for your big Halloween bash, eh? If you want your party to make an impression that’ll last for many All Hallow’s Eves to come you’ll need to make sure you’ve got all the essentials covered.

Sure, you’ve got your age-appropriate costume, party games, food, drinks, and lots (and lots and lots and lots) of candy, but have you given any thought to your Halloween Playlist?

Best O' Boingo
Image via Amazon.

Please, oh please, don’t tell me you were just gonna connect your iPhone to the stereo and put it on shuffle! Do yourself (and your guests a favor). Add these seven songs to your soirée’s soundtrack for a fiendishly good time.

Monster Mash

The Monster Mash sounds just as campy today as when old Bobby ‘Boris’ Pickett & The Crypt Kickers recorded it fifty years ago. It’s good fun that tickles everyone’s funny bone.

Werewolves of London

Everyone knows that werewolves are complete party animals and Warren Zevon showed us that those London lupines are no exception.

“Ah-hooo!!!!!”

Dragula

No Halloween playlist would be complete without at least one Rob Zombie song. The man lives everyday like it’s Halloween—I mean just look at the guy! What better song from the Zombie catalog for your evening’s listening pleasure than this little ditty about the Munster’s drag racer?

Rob Zombie: Past, Present and Future
Image via Amazon.

Dead Man's Party

Oingo Boingo’s annual Día de Los Muertos shows were a 1980s LA staple until frontman, Danny Elfman, swapped writing kooky new wave music for writing kooky music for kooky Tim Burton movies. Dead Man’s Party represents the best and most fun music from that period.

Ghostbusters

If it weren’t for the his contribution to the Ghostbusters Soundtrack, I’d have never heard of Ray Parker Jr. and that would have been a shame because this song is as fun as the movie was.

Re Your Brains

I may be late jumping on the JoCo bandwagon, but I’m sure enjoying the ride! Yes, this song is about an email correspondence between two co-workers, one of whom just happens to be a zombie intent on eating the other’s brains. It wouldn’t work nearly as well as it does if it weren’t for the fact that Coulton remains one heck of a musician and vocalist.

Thriller

As classic as Michael Jackson’s Thriller is as a song, it’s an even better music video. Take a page out of the Philipino inmates’ handbook and bust out MJ’s moves for a group number on the dance floor.

While I can’t guarantee your party’s success, I can promise you that at least the music won’t stink if you stick to my suggestions.

What songs made the cut onto your Halloween playlist? Sound off in the comments below.

All images are from my flickr, unless otherwise noted.

Seven Spectacularly Geeky Fake Holidays

I love holidays as much for their traditions as for the time off from work that accompany many of them. Christmas, Easter, Halloween, the Fourth of July, Thanksgiving, President’s Day, Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, and even Cinco de Mayo—these are all real holidays.

National Beef Jerky Day and National Flannel Day, not so much.

Here are seven other aweseomely fake holidays that are so geektastic I hope that we’ll be celebrating them for years to come—even if it’s only on the Internet.

Pixar-esque Pirate
Image via AustinDM.

1. September 19

Talk Like a Pirate Day is the first fake holiday I’ll mention, not because it’s first in my heart, but rather because it’s tomorrow. Arr lads!, this be a scurvy holiday to be sure.

2. June 29

I’m not a big fan of unicorns myself, mostly because I’m not an eight year old girl. But, Unicorn Appreciation Day reminds me of J.D. from Scrubs. And any holiday that can make me think about one half of the greatest bromance of all time OK by me.

3. March 14

Pi Day is quite possibly the geekiest holiday on this list. The mathematical wunder-number 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028…, or Π, is abbreviated as 3.14. This works largely because there is a 14th day in the third month of the year. If you needed this explained to you then you don’t deserve to celebrate this special day.

4. August 28

Held on the birthday of Jack “King” Kirby (co-creator of Captain America, the Fantastic Four, the Incredible Hulk, and way too many others to list), Read Comics in Public Day lets geeks be geeks by taking pride in doing one of their favorite things.

5. May 25

I’ve written about Towel Day, or Geek Pride Day before. What better way to honor the memory of Douglas Adams and geeks everywhere than to carry a towel around with you all day.

6. June 1

Personally, I think every day should be National Punch a Hipster Day. Unfortunately, it comes but once a year. Apparently, “this is a hipster created hipster hating event … Hipsters are so hipster that they think hipsters are uncool!”

7. December 23

It should come as no surpise that from the best sitcom of all time we get the best fake holiday of all time. “Festivus, for the rest of us!” Legend has it that one winter’s eve the father of George Costanza brought home an aluminum pole, regaled his family members with tales of all the ways they’d disappointed him during the past year, and then challenged them to feats of strength. Which fake holidays do you celebrate? Sound off in the comments below.

Seven Best Road Trip Snacks

School starts for los niños on Monday which means (sadly) that summer, 2012 is drawing to a close.

The highlight of our summer was our road trip from Texas to Southern California. We saw the Grand Canyon, sunned ourselves along the Pacific, and spent a few magical days in the kingdom that Walt built … and boy, oh boy did we eat a lot of snacks on our way!

Convenience Store
Convenience Store via Angry Fitness Trainer.

Here are seven of my all-time favorite road trip snacks; many of which we enjoyed on our summer trek.

1. Corn Nuts

Corn Nuts
Corn Nuts via able2know.

Corn nuts are a really, really crunchy snack that come in myriad flavors. Bonus—if you eat them you will keep the driver awake.

2. Trail Mix

Gorp
Trail Mix via Wikipedia.

I prefer to make my own trail mix. My favorite recipe (I’ll use that term loosely) consists of peanuts, raisins, and plain M&Ms. Generally, I make it a rule not to eat raisins, but when they’ve got the other two companions I’ll gladly make an exception.

3. Red Licorice

Red Vines
Red Vines via Adrian Gyuricska on Kontain.

When I say red licorice I really mean Red Vines. I would never, ever eat Twizzlers. Not even on a bet.

4. Beef Jerky

Old West Beef Jerky Pieces
Old West Beef Jerky Pieces via Best Beef Jerky.

High protein. Low fat. Those are just two of the reasons I justify my love of beef jerky. I would eat it all the time if I could (afford to).

5. Hostess Products

Hostess Orange Cupcakes 02
Hostess Orange Cupcakes via Brand Eating.

At the risk of sounding terribly white trash I must confess that I love all Hostess brand snack cakes. From Twinkies to Zingers, from Ding Dongs to Dunkin Stix and even my personal favorite Orange Cupcakes—I love me the Hostess with the mostest. Plus, they have an amazing shelf life (i.e.: forever).

6. Caffeinated beverages

Mountain Dew
Mountain Dew Logo via Wikipedia.

Whether your drug of choice is Dr. Pepper, Mountain Dew, Jolt or (my wife’s fave) Coke Zero sometimes you need a good old caffeine-laden soda. They help keep your lids from drooping and keep your family alive.

7. Doritos

Doritos
Doritos via Alaska Market Link Store.

These chips are so good that their inventor literally went into the final journey in a casket lined with them.

There you have it, that’s my list of essential road trip comestibles.

What’s must have goodies do you pick up on your cross-country drives? Sound off in the comments below.

What’s your favorite road trip snack? Sound of in the comments below.

Seven Best Fake Names in Punk Rock

The Ramones' 1976 debut album laid down the mu...

The Ramones’ 1976 debut album. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

What is it about punk rock that continues to attract legions of young, middle class, American WASP fans? That’s a blog theme for another day. Today, I’m only interested in the best fake names in one of my favorite musical genres.

For reasons totally unbeknownst to me, punk rock has a plethora of colorful (usually black and blue) characters who decided that their given names weren’t hardcore enough for their edgy onstage personas. Here are the seven best fake names in all of punk rock.

1) Johnny Rotten

Johnny Rotten
Image via HiLobrow.

Johnny Rotten brought Anarchy back to the UK. He is mostly recognized as lead singer of The Sex Pistols, arguably the best punk group ever.

2) Rat Scabies

Rat Scabies
Image via Last.fm.

Maybe a name like Christopher Millar wasn’t dark enough to be a member of early British punk pioneers The Damned. I don’t really know if Rat Scabies was an attempt at humor or some disgusting ailment suffered by the former Millar.

3) Pat Smear

Pat Smear
Image via Billboard.

Before he was fighting Foo or touring with Nirvana, Smear was a member of highly influential Germs. Say what you will about Smear, but he had a great sense of humor. I can’t think of his name without thinking of Leslie Nielsen’s classic Naked Gun movies. “I must kill Pat Smear … ”

4) Sid Vicious

Sid Vicious
Image via Coolspotters.

Sid was bandmates with the aforementioned Johnny Rotten in the Sex Pistols. The story of Sid’s life and mutually destructive relationship with Nancy Spungen is a cautionary rock and roll fable. Drugs and humans—especially psychotic humans—don’t mix.

5) Lee Ving

Lee Ving as Mr. Body
Image via Avelyman.

Not only was Ving the front man of the hardcore punk band Fear, but he was also the first guy to get whacked in my favorite movie based on a board game; 1985’s Clue.

6) Jello Biafra

Jello Biafra
Image via ipass.net.

I remember drawing Dead Kennedys logos on my Pee Chee folders long before I knew anything about the band or their outrageous lead singer. This guy’s name is just plain whacky. I’m not sure what he was sniffing when he came up with it, but any guy who can pens lyrics about Star-Bellied Sneetches and rails against the atrocities committed by the Khmer Rouge is alright in my book.

7) Every Single Member of The Ramones

The Ramones
Image via Max’s Kansas City.

Consisting of Dee Dee, Joey, Johnny and a revolving cast of other guys (Tommy, Marky, Richie, Elvis, and CJ) whose last name was not really Ramone, the Ramones are often credited as the first punk rock group.

They proved that you don’t need to master more than three chords, write songs lasting longer than two minutes, or use your real name to be punk.

In the words of Cheech Marin:

“[it’s] just punk rock. You don’t have to know how to play. All you just got to do is be a punk.”

Are there any other great punk rock pseudonyms out there? Sound off in the comments below.

Marvel Comics Seven Best Super Hero Catchphrases

Luke Cage, Hero for Hire #1 (June 1972). Cover...

Luke Cage, Hero for Hire #1 (June 1972). Cover art by John Romita, Sr. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

We’re going to see the Avengers tonight, so to commemorate the occasion I thought now would be the perfect time for me to post my all-time favorite super hero catchphrases.

I’ll be restricting this post to only characters from the Marvel Comics pantheon of heroes. So without further ado …

1)

Hulk Smash

What the Hulk lacked in the speech and brains department he more than made up for in brute strength and rage. Unable to eloquently express what he intends to do the simple “Hulk Smash” sums it all up.

2)

Clobberin Time

Aunt Petunia’s favorite nephew, the everlovin’ blue-eyed Thing was the main muscle of Marvel’s First Family of Comics—the Fantastic Four. This is the comic book equivalent of Popeye’s “That’s all I can stand, and I can’t stand no more!”

3)

Sweet Christmas

Luke Cage (AKA Power Man) was the first African-American super hero I remember that didn’t have the word black in his name—I’m looking at you Black Lightning, Black Panther, Black Goliath, etc. Obviously, he was written by guys who were neither African-American, nor had actually spoken to an African-American themselves or else they never would have made this poor excuse for a jive turkey of a catchphrase.

4)

Hoary Hosts of Hoggoth

I’m at a loss for what this actually means. I know what a host is, but I’ve never seen a hoary host. And don’t get me started on Hoggoth! It’s only memorable to me because it’s the only thing I remember Dr. Strange every saying.

5)

Spider-Sense

One of the best things about Spider-Man was that Peter Parker was an equally great character in his own right. At the heart of it all, he’s just a kid. He’s got amazing, spectacular, and sensational powers mind you, but he’s still just a nerdy, wisecracking kid. When he said that his senses were tingling you knew something was gonna happen.

6)

Avengers Assemble

Captain America may have said it first, but it’s been used by every other chairperson of the Marvel’s premier super squad.

7)

Nuff Said

Stan, the Man, Lee is a comic book legend. He penned nearly every single of the above idioms. What else can you say when you’ve said it all?

Well, true believers, there you have it—my list of the best catchphrases in all of Marvel Comicsdom. What are your favorite super hero quotes? Sound off in the comments below.

All images are from my flickr, unless otherwise noted.

The Seven Most Epic Unibrows of All Time

In this edition of Lucky 7s, I tackle the seven unruliest unibrows ever. Read on below to see who made the cut.

1. Anthony Davis

Arkansas-Little Rock v Kentucky
Image via Business Insider.

This past March, I wasn’t so much obsessed with NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament as I was with fierce-looking unibrow of University of Kentucky basketball phenom, Anthony Davis. Don’t worry about him though. He’s getting ready to count the millions he’ll be getting when he is drafted into the NBA later this year.

2. Gerald Samson

Gerald Samson
Image via Simpsons Wiki.

Gerald, AKA “The Monobrow”, Samson is the arch-nemesis of Maggie Simpson. How could a baby possibly have any enemies you may ask? She probably didn’t like the way he was looking at her.

3. Frida Kahlo

Frida Kahlo self portrait
Image via Wikipedia.

I’ll say this for Frida, at least she was honest. She painted how she looked. I mean, if I had her talent as a painter I’d have been tempted to not fill in the space above and to the center of my eyes.

4. The Red Bird

Angry Birds for iPhone
Image via Rovio.

It’s no coincidence that the angriest looking of the Angry Birds is the one with one big, honkin’ eyebrow. Known only as the Red Bird, this avian antagonist flings himself at anything shielding his sworn porcine adversaries.

5. George Harrison

George Harrison
Image via ZTams.

George Harrison was my favorite Beatle not named John or Paul. Amazingly, he also wrote all of the best Beatles’ songs not written by John or Paul. What George lacked in the not being John or Paul department he more than made up for in the having a giant caterpillar over his eyes department.

6. Bert

Bert Smile
Image via Muppet Wiki.

Oh, Bert! He’s the nerdy half of my favorite Sesame Street duo. From his pigeon obsession to his love of checkers and the letter W, everything about him reeks of lameness. Not being able to grow a mustache under his nose he decided to grow one over his eyes instead.

7. Wally Moon

WALLY MOON LOS ANGELES DODGERS 1964
Image via Frank Kelsey’s flickr.

I’d never heard of Wally Moon until I stumbled across this blog post about the worst baseball cards of all time in which Moon’s brows are prominently featured. Wally Moon is to unibrows what Tom Selleck is to mustaches—in a word, epic.

“Eyebrows. There should be two.”

Yes, I know I totally just quoted Miss Congeniality right there. However, truth is truth regardless of the source. Remember—tweezers—they’re not just for splinters.

Am I missing anyone from the list of epic eyebrows? Sound off in the comments below.